Online only, available to couples in 39 states
Fee: $300/session
One problem addressed in almost every couple’s therapy is that partners make assumptions about each other, assumptions based on their own history of familial and romantic relationships, and then they respond accordingly. Ironically, this pushes the relationship into an actual replication of past relationships. I aim to help the couple stop this when it starts and create a conversational space in which they can treat each other as they really are.
Another common issue is that partners choose someone who appeals to them for various reasons, without fully agreeing on what kind of relationship they want to build together. This doesn’t spell doom for dissatisfied couples, but it does mean that it can be useful to go back and visit in detail what kind of relationship each party wants to build.
The problem with reimagining the relationship is that it requires the couple to approach their conflicts and disagreements. Everyone finds it tempting to avoid conflict and disagreement. As a couple’s therapist, my job is partly to help you approach the hidden conflicts in the relationship by creating a space with you where it seems like a good idea to do that. Another problem is that couples often don’t know how to talk about their differences productively. They tend to stray by treating each other as obstacles to what they want instead of treating each other as life partners designing a durable relationship that will meet their needs.
Many couples also need assistance learning to negotiate. Too often, negotiation leads to each person taking a position with an eventual compromise that leaves both parties dissatisfied. An authentic space can lead to both people unpacking their positions and coming up with an optimal solution that meets as many needs as possible. Often, these frustrations and negotiations have to do with sex and money.
I’ve noted some common issues that I see in couples, but the truth is that I won’t have a solid idea of how to help you until I meet you, and then we can explore and understand together what is wrong and whether and how I can help.
Selected Couple’s Posts (others are on the menu)
How to Think Systemically about Your Relationship
How to Make Your Marriage a Prison
Conflict Resolution in Couples: Two Big Ideas
Conflict Resolution in Couples: Irrational Goals
Michael Karson, Ph.D. 