Size-ism 1

Recently, an overweight Wisconsin television newswoman denounced a “bully” who had written her an email telling her she should model a healthier lifestyle for young female viewers. A colleague of hers posted the email on Facebook to rally her defense. On television, her peroration went as follows: “To all of the children out there who feel lost, who are struggling with your weight, with the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your disability, even the acne on your face, listen to me right now, do not let your self-worth be defined by bullies.”

I’m not sure how I feel about fat people. I definitely don’t think they should be bullied, but I don’t accept the analogies to those other targets of bullying. It’s true that I’m grateful that my own vices aren’t covered by the law of conservation of energy and don’t show on my face. But if you say it’s not people’s fault that they eat more than they need, don’t you have to say that it’s not the bullies’ fault that they bully?

There are a lot of reasons why some people consume more calories than they burn, and it’s hard not to look at fat people through the lens of my own desire for food. If I didn’t care what other people thought of me, I’d weigh at least a hundred pounds more than I do now. It took me a long time to realize, then, that not all fat people lack impulse control and express disdain for others (which is what it would mean if I got fat). In fact, rather than congratulate myself for caring what others think of me, I could as easily condemn myself for vanity. Fat people aren’t vain about their figures.

I don’t have negative thoughts about fat people, but I prefer to look at slim people. I dislike slow walkers quite a bit (unless they’re old or infirm), and I’ve noticed a correlation with weight. When I get on an airplane, I hope the person in the next seat isn’t encroaching on mine, but I’ve had worse luck with men on this score than with fat people (or am I supposed to say, “people with fat”?). Some men will take up the whole armrest and spread their knees into my space. (I am an alpha dog only verbally.) I prefer it when fat people wear loose clothing for general aesthetic reasons, but it doesn’t irritate me like slow walking because I don’t have to look at anything I find aversive.

Anyway, back to the overweight newswoman. Why did her friend publish the email? To me, it seemed like her buddies gathered around her for support and dumped on whoever wrote the email. Myself, I wondered what the man who wrote it was so upset about. Probably hating himself and trying to feel superior, maybe even feeling as if he was not suitable for the company of children, since that what he accused the newswoman of. I get the argument that the denunciation is supposed to make fat kids feel better about standing up to bullies and to make potential bullies back off and see the error of their ways, but there’s something about the publication of the email that seems opportunistic, a chance to vent anger at people who notice how other people look. It struck me as more than standing up to a bully. When she reads the email on air, she pronounces the word, obesity, as if it’s a racial slur. And yet, that is the word for her condition, as she herself acknowledges. I don’t suppose it’s good manners to comment on other people’s bodies, generally, but when they put themselves on television, aren’t viewers authorized to notice what they look like?

Another possible response to bullying is to stand up to it without fighting back, to acknowledge that we all do it, to ourselves, to others, for whatever otherness or weakness we condemn in ourselves that we see in others. Responding in kind with denunciations makes us feel better but gets us nowhere. I’m pretty sure this is what Jesus was talking about when he said to turn the other cheek and not cast stones.

Author: Michael Karson, Ph.D.

Clinical Psychologist View all posts by Michael Karson, Ph.D.