It takes a certain amount of aggression to put yourself out there enough to write a blog, correct a student, or confront however gently a patient who has gone wrong following an outdated psychological map. Many people with the requisite level of aggression find themselves fitting poorly with the culture of psychology; they become lawyers instead. Sometimes the aggression inherent in asserting something or, even worse, questioning someone else’s assertion, is mistaken so thoroughly for hostility that the content of what I say is twisted by the expectation of hostility.
I said to a social worker who wasn’t quite ready to give up on a bad mother, “I disagree, but I have only respect for your point of view.” When a number of people at the meeting stared at me in horror, I asked them what they thought I’d said, and fully half of those present thought I’d said, “I disagree, and I have no respect for your point of view.”
I said to a group of students who came late to the first day of assessment class that there were a lot of reasons why they might have come late, some incidental, some situational, some as a considered choice, and some psychological, so this was a good example of keeping an open mind when approaching the assessment of behavior. At least one of them thought I’d chastised them. Again, it took a certain amount of aggression just to mention that they had been late, and the student seems to have expected aggression to produce chastisement.
I taught a class period on borderline personality organization, and I suggested that you might want to consider borderline functioning if the patient does something that you would never do. I would never murder someone or steal money or smack a child, but I can imagine doing those things under the right circumstances. I cannot imagine any set of circumstances that would lead me to put a cigarette out on a baby or commit a forcible rape. So if someone does something you would never do, consider that their personality may be structured fundamentally differently from yours. The following week, we discussed a patient who had done something I would never do (I forget what). I asked the class what I’d said about that, and an intelligent, likeable student said, “You said they might be borderline if you would never do them.” Presumably, the aggression inherent in calmly discussing burning a baby and committing forcible rape made me seem rapacious. I told the student that if she tracked down and corrected everyone she had misquoted me to, I would not use her name when I told this story for the rest of my life. When I told a forensic colleague (i.e., a colleague comfortable with aggression) the story, she said, “But that’s also a pretty reliable sign of borderline personality organization, if you would never do them.”
Michael Karson, Ph.D. 
Quoting two of my favorite philosophers (both Germans actually, which I think also reduces any bias I have for the Greeks).
“There are no facts, only interpretations.” Nietzsche
“For to be poised against fatality, to meet adverse conditions gracefully, is more than simple endurance; it is an act of aggression, a positive triumph.” Mann
These two should be in the very beginning of every psychology textbook. Until then, I think you should keep writing your blog!
Love those.
These ideas are so helpful, but I still have trouble with the word “aggression,” I think even your use of the word does lead to misunderstanding. The Thomas Mann quote is great, but isn’t it a translation from the German? The word doesn’t fit there for me, either. I looked in the dictionary to see if I am being too narrow with this, and all of the definitions I find include attack, hostility, and destruction. This is not what you mean in your examples, and I think your point is too important to be misunderstood. When you are direct, bold, provocative, edgy, ambitious, courageous, and challenging, that is very different from being hostile, mean, dominating, or sadistic. I think that women who have a hard time with that first set of adjectives often confuse the two (and also express their own ambitious energy in indirectly hostile ways, but that is another story!), so I think this can be a rich conversation.
I’m so engaged by this comment that I need to write a whole new post about it!
I’ve started using the term in conversations, realizing how often I tend to soften language (am I more comfortable saying “assertive” because “aggressive” sounds…. aggressive?) So, I’ve been saying it, but have to stifle the impulse to temper its use with an explanation, such as, “And, by aggression, I mean–“